Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Dating As a Single Mom Is the Same as Dating as a Teenager

Sunday morning I had brunch with my brother Josh and sister-in-law Susan. They're in their early 30s, don't have kids, stay out late, and sleep in on weekends. In other words: They're normal. Susan grilled me about my date from the night before while my little brother pretended he'd lost his hearing.
"We went for Ethiopian food in the Village and then he drove me home," I said.
"Why didn't you invite him up?" Susan asked.
"Are you crazy? The kids and the babysitter were there."
"So what, he got to second base in the car and then you were home by midnight?"
"Basically, yes!"
"Oh my God. That is so funny. And that's so early!"
I felt a little defensive about my single mommy lifestyle. Because, really, what can you do? But then I realized that dating as a single parent is kind of horrible and awesome in the same way that being a teenager is horrible and awesome. In fact, while necking in his four-door sedan (car seats in back) my single-dad love interest and I were laughing about all the ways that dating as a parent is the same as dating in high school: It can be tricky to find alone time, everyone's finances are limited and you often have to answer to the scrutiny of parental figures. After all, had I ushered my date upstairs Saturday, I'd have had to face Karen, our beloved long-time babysitter who serves as a surrogate grandmother to my kids and me. What would she think?
My friend Sarah is a professional single mom whose ex lives out-of-state -- drastically limiting her child-free hours, and forcing her to turn to babysitting from her mother in order to get laid. Tapping her inner teenager, Sarah always lies to her mom about her whereabouts when she goes out with men, lest she get "the third degree about whether he'd make a good father."
"I don't want to lie, but I also don't want to deal with the judgement," Sarah told me. And so she obeys her mom's rules-or else she pays the price. "I told one guy I went out with that we'd be skipping dinner and going straight to sex because I had to be home by 11:30," she said. In my case, I was acutely aware that every minute spent making out in that car also came at a price -- the cold, hard hourly rate paid to Karen.
The upside of all this finagling and sneaking and financing is that it collectively mounts the lusty, torturous tension lacking in readily available sex. Like, for example, in marriage. In other words, sex as a single mom can be unbelievably hot. Which was probably not the case when we were in high school.
But Sarah and I agreed that sex isn't the only part of dating that makes us feel like we're in 10th grade again. I nearly didn't publish this post. I mean, what if my date reads it and feels betrayed or embarrassed and doesn't call me again? I mean, OMG, I would totally DIE, cuz I like totally like him! But like, would it be my fault? I mean, he knows I blog about my life or whatever, so, like, whatever!?
This post originally appeared at

Monday, September 16, 2013

Top 5 Ways to Get Back Into Dating After a Breakup

5 ways to get back into dating after breakup by sparkology best dating site
Going through a breakup sucks. A lot. And yes, the first thing you probably want to do is curl up into a ball, watch reruns of Friends, and have Seamless send you dinners while Taskrabbit picks up new boxes of Kleenex... But after the mandatory mourning comes to a close, the only way to truly move on is to meet new people (gasp!).
Some go into a shy, hesitation-filled shock. After all, you haven't dated in months, years(maybe even a decade!! double gasp!!). Others think they "still got it" and boldly hit on anything that moves only to strike out.
It's a pretty dismal scene... so Alex (founder of Sparkology, the invite-only dating site for young professionals) and Bella (founder of NeverLikedItAnyway, the place to sell once-loved gifts from once-loved lovers) have assembled the five ways to go back from break-up to romance:

Rule 1: Find New Scenery (Alex)

Generally speaking, relationships are synonymous with routine. This is your time to bust out. Go to new places, museums, bookstores, coffee shops while also reconnecting with single friends (who probably haven't seen you in months).

Rule 2: Don't Date Someone Who Resembles Your Ex (Bella)

You may have a type... but trying to fill the void with a replica of your past lover will only remind you of old times. You'll do your head in constantly comparing the new guy to the old and most importantly, you won't give the new guy a the chance he deserves. Not sure where to find your new man? Try Sparkology.

Rule 3: Invest in Yourself (Alex)

For better or worse, people in relationships often let themselves slack. From gaining a few pounds to neglecting your dance lessons to letting the wardrobe fade, you've probably neglected some part of your personal development simply because a large part of your focus (and resources!) were spent on the relationship. Now is your time to reinvest in yourself. Take a pizza making class, attend a wine tasting, or go on a weekend yoga retreat... these fun activities both lift your spirits and make you more interesting when meeting new people.

Rule 4: Get Excited About the Date, Not The Guy (Bella)

This sounds a trifle mean, but if you can't seem to get excited about the new fish you've plucked from the sea, get excited about the places you'll go! Most likely, a lot has changed since you last dated. All sorts of things have opened up - theatres, restaurants,bars and even bike lanes. Try seeing your date as a ticket to discovery. In the immortal words of Dr Seuss, 'oh the places you'll go... you'll be on your way up"!

Rule 5: Ex-orcise Your Home (Bella)

Cleaning out is cathartic, even when you havent had a breakup! Removing any ex-iconography from your home is the first step to moving on. I know you want to keep little mementoes, but these will subconsciously hold you back. Get a friend round to come over and help you sort through the photos, sweatshirts, artwork, toothbrushes (ew), jewelry and any other ex-collateral in sight. Either throw it out or, even better, sell it on NeverLikedItAnyway. Also, try rearranging your furniture, move your bed, rotate your couch... do anything to change your scenery!

Follow Alex Furmansky on Twitter:
Or Dating For Single Parents USA:

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

6 Easy Ways for Men to Be More Attractive!

Men are just as affected by the media’s standard of beauty and attractiveness as women are. It’s hard to be successful at dating when women are looking for men who are “tall, dark, and handsome” and ideally, look like Bradley Cooper.

If you want to make yourself more attractive to women, and increase your dating success rate, it’s easier than you think! I have listed six tips for being more attractive; some require moderate effort, but I have included instant tips as well!

Instant Tricks

1. Smile!

A lot of women say that a man’s smile is his most attractive feature. So, this tip is as simple as that – smile more! And if you’ve got less than glistening pearly whites, why not invest in some tooth whitening toothpaste and mouthwash? They are not that much more expensive than the non-whitening ones and they totally still work. You don’t need to spend a fortune on the strips that will do it in 48 hours – just whiten gradually and eventually you’ll have a bright white smile to show off!

2. Sit Up Straight

Seriously. A good posture makes you look leaner, taller, and more approachable. Just check out the difference in a mirror. Make a conscious effort not to slouch and follow proper posture positions. For standing, your feet should be shoulder width apart, your thigh muscles in use without locking your knees, your chest lifted, your shoulders down and back, your chin level, and your weight should mostly be on the balls of your feet, not your heels. For sitting, your feet should be resting on the floor with your knees and hips bent at 90 degrees, your chest should be lifted, and your chin should be level. Do not cross your legs, and do not slouch or lean forward! BONUS: Good posture also helps improve organ function, reduces neck/shoulder/back tension, increases mental performance, and prevents “hump back”and “beer belly”. If there’s one tip that will help instantly improve your dating success, this is it.

A Little More Effort…

3. Manscape

I’m not saying go full on wax and shave here (seriously, chest hair stubble is not cool) – just trim what needs to be trimmed. No one wants to see your back hair flowing over the top of your t-shirt. And once you are dating, you’re not going to find too many ladies who will be super receptive to a giant man bush if they go down on you. Plus, trimming back the hair down there will make you look bigger (less hair covering up your length) and will help with repeat customers in the oral pleasure department.

4. Make Your Facial Hair Work For You

Facial hair can do a lot to a person’s face. It can make you look clean cut, wild and unruly, or, let’s face it, it can make you look like a douche. If you’re really serious about dating and find a lady, this is a big one to pay attention to. If you have a chubbier face, growing a well-kept beard can give the illusion of a stronger jaw line, where as having a more angled face can be complimented nicely with a slight hint of stubble. But whatever you do, stay away from the “chin strap” and the amish beard.

Now You’ve Got It!

5. Put On Your Big Boy Shoes

Good style is important to women in the dating pool. And one of the biggest indicators of a man of style is good footwear. Nice shoes are also associated with a successful business life, so by wearing nice shoes, you’re promoting thoughts of success. Not to mention that a lot of dress and business shoes will give you a half inch lift! If you’re wearing flip flops, or God forbid, Crocs… you have no hope. And avoid wearing running shoes unless you’re at the gym.

6. Get Styled

Any savvy man in the dating world knows that great hair style goes hand in hand with good fashion sense. Once you’ve got good shoes, you need good hair. Do some research, ask your friends what they think, and for the love of God spend more than $30 on a hair cut. It DOES make a difference. A great hair dresser can make or break you. And they can help you understand your hair and what will look best for you; haircuts that look great on some may not look good on you. Once you get that amazing cut, spend time each morning giving it some love. Change shampoos. Buy some styling products (NOT DIPPITY-DO, GUYS. C’mon). You’ll be amazed at how much this one affects your success with ladies. We love great hair. And now that you’ve got style covered on the top and the bottom, it’s only a matter of time until you gradually get styled from head to toe.
And my final tip is to pay attention. Pay attention to current fashion trends. Pay attention when your lady friends say, “I think this would totally look good on you!” Pay attention to what things you’re wearing/doing when you receive compliments. And pay attention to yourself, what you’re doing, and how you look. There’s so many little things you can do to make yourself look better, and they take very little effort. Imagine what you could do if you actually put time into it! Follow these tips and you’ll be a dating pro in no time!

Thanks to for this article!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Is She Really Interested In You?

One for the guys here!

When you've not dated for a while, you sometimes forget the obvious signs.

This video gives a few tell tale signs that shows that she's interested.

Now go try it out!

Friday, August 9, 2013

5 Reasons The Ex Is Your Ideal Dating Coach

A couple years after my divorce, I was leaving a restaurant and ran into an old friend who had also found himself single following years of marriage. After a few minutes of awkward chatter, he suggested we have lunch the following week. My excitement was tempered by his suggesting lunch rather than dinner. Hmmm, date or friends?
The following day, in desperate need of a male point-of-view, I turned to a most unlikely dating coach: my ex-husband. It was the first time I sought his advice on such dicey matters. We obviously knew the other was dating but rarely discussed our post-divorce love lives. "Just send an email back saying you can have lunch or dinner next Tuesday," he advised me matter-of-factly, before confidently adding, "If he chooses dinner, you'll know instantly what his intentions are."
After following directions, I found myself at dinner a week later, the start of a relationship that continued for several months.
Just to be clear, my ex and I didn't divorce and start giving one another dating advice the very next day; it took a long time for everything to cool off.
I know confiding in ones ex sounds insane since many former couples can't even stand to be in the same room. But if you remain on good terms, your former partner could probably match you up better than anyone else. After all, few people are more familiar with your personal foibles, desires and needs -- the good, the bad and the ugly -- than the person who's shared your life for many years.
My ex knows my propensity for always running a bit late, for being attracted to a strange, hybrid guy who is half metro-sexual/half macho, is aware of my neurotic spiral over the slightest cold and is quite clued in to the dirty fact that when I enter a perfectly clean room there are shoes, papers and makeup scattered all over the floor by the time I leave.
He's been helpful in separating the wheat from the chaff, guiding me away from those suitors who are either too metro or macho; too neurotic for my neuroses; or the sort of neat freaks who are never much fun.
Although a bit odd, there are a number of reasons the ex can be an ideal dating coach. So hear me out - and think about possibilities- even if they seem improbable now.
1. You have history: The past you share with your ex gives him or her valuable insights on the character traits that will truly make you happy.
2. Do it for the kids: They want their children to be happy and around someone who is a good role model.
3. They know your type: You're probably a great judge of the type of person your ex is attracted to. Maybe you watched, with much irritation, as he or she ogled certain types when you were out, or heard them say that a particular actor or actress was hot. Your ex knows if you prefer brains over brawn and what kind of person most floats your boat after the initial ardor wears off.
4. The best Wingman: When I ended up having the rare dinner with my former husband and the man I was dating, my ex became the best wingman ever! At one point he started talking me up in such a flattering light that it took me a few minutes to realize whom he was talking about. (For a minute, I thought there was still a potential alimony award on the table and that he was trying to marry me off.)
5. Blowing off steam: They also know what annoys you (and what's annoying about you!). Maybe they can even help disrupt some relationship patterns they've seen before.
Just to clarify: my ex isn't my therapist and is quite busy with his own life. I wouldn't expect that from him, nor would he have the slightest amount of patience to sit and listen.
Now happily married, he no longer needs my dating advice. But when he became serious with the woman he eventually married, we planned out the best way to introduce her to our son. When they had their first child we discussed how to tell our son in an effort to avoid the initial sibling rivalry.
Although we are no longer married, I still want what's best for him. And I know he wants what's best for me. That's when divorce works out best: when you lose a partner there's no reason you have to lose a friend.
Thanks to the Huff Post for this!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

How Many Single Mothers?

Here’s a little fact for you - according to the US Census 2010: About 39 percent of births in 2010 were to single, separated or divorced women. And almost 10 million single mothers were living with children younger than 18.  

That's a lot of Single Mums out there!

Thanks to Evie at:

for these facts. Read her blog, it's good!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The New Tradition Of Online Dating

Dating for single parents
Dating Online
The old tradition of having to go and see a partner, spend time with him/her and then decide if you want to go ahead with the relationship or give it a red signal there itself, is becoming outdated now. The new tradition of online dating seems to be getting the attention of millions of people nowadays. And why not, it has so many advantages! Now you can look at some of the top advantages that online dating offer.
Sit In Your Own Comfort
The best part about online dating is that the first time, or maybe the first couple of times you are allowed to sit in your own comfort and connect with people across the globe. You don’t have to spend time and money in getting yourself dressed up and going out for a date. Ordinary clothes, no make-up, no perfume and just an internet connection is the easiest way to start. There are a number of websites you can visit in order to find a life partner, or simply enjoy your days of fun. Thus, it is not really shocking to know that around 20 million people use online dating services every month!
Get To Meet New People
Online dating doesn’t always mean you are there to find a soul-mate. Sometimes it is just to make friends and online dating brings you to a whole new world of it. You get to meet people from various parts of the world and you can connect with them and know more about different cultures and people. This can increase your communication skills and confidence as well. Both these could be quite useful in the future. So you see how online dating is not only about finding a guy or girl for yourself, it is for making friends as well. The best part about it, it’s totally free!
No Need To Get Nervous
Often it happens that when you meet a new person for the first time, you are pretty nervous and scared. The meeting doesn’t really get going until you feel comfortable and by then you have probably wasted a lot of time already. But that is not the case with online dates. You are sitting in your own comfort level and talking to a person across a computer screen will definitely not make you that nervous. This is a good thing because in case you gel well with that person over the computer, it will be easy to talk to them when you actually meet them face-to-face.
Another advantage that online dating provides is that it is available twenty four hours a day. You can just log in at any time of the day and find a person to talk to, or date!
Scott, a pay per click management expert, feels that online dating is a great way for people to indulge in talking with others. Also, this kind of service is extremely beneficial to everybody. These dating websites also make money. Thus, it is not only you who are happy, but the websites who are equally happy to help you as well!
- See more at:

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Independence Day!

So what are you doing to celebrate? How about arranging a date? Time to make that new start that you always promised yourself. Don't forget, if you want your life to change, you have to do it. Take control!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Three Really Important Tips When Starting Online Dating

1) Follow important online dating safety tips.

From the time you sign up for a service through the time you meet on a date, it's important to be safe. Read Online Dating Magazine's Online Dating Safety Tips article for specific things you should and shouldn't do. In a nutshell: never give out too much personal information; never give a home phone number; always meet in a public place for the first date; ask for a recent photo (or how old posted photos are); and trust your gut instinct. Read the article for more safety tips and full descriptions.

2) Build a winning profile.

Your profile is one of the two key elements that will determine if a person emails you on an online dating service (the other is photo - see next tip). Thus it's important to make sure that your profile is lively, fun, and positive. Avoid negatives (I'm lonely, I can't believe I'm doing this) at all costs. Examine other profiles and determine what about it makes you more interested or less interested. Read Online Dating Magazine's Profile Tips article for more advice. If a person finds your profile interesting and not generic then you have increased your chances of someone showing interest in you. Make yours interesting!

3) Post great recent photos.

Face it - when doing a search on an online dating service the first thing that grabs your attention is the photo. This is the single most important element to getting people to view that great profile you've written (see last tip). These days, generic photos won't cut it. You need to determine what colours look best on you, dress nice, be clean cut, and have someone take various photos of you that are fun and lively. When I changed my photo from a posed shot to a shot of me with an Orangutan, the number of people emailing me or showing an interest quadrupled. It also provided a great ice breaker and talking point when someone emailed me. Read Online Dating Magazine's Creating a Better Online Dating Photo article for some excellent tips.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Pregnant And Dating?

Not sure about this one, but thought I'd put it out there so you can decide for yourselves!

WE tv's New Original Series "Pregnant & Dating" Premieres Saturday, June 1 at 9PM ET/PT
Kiesha, Shana, Melissa, Megan and Rachel all have one special thing in common: each of them is expecting a baby and realize the search for true love won't wait nine months.

[via press release from WE tv]

Not even pregnancy will keep these women "out of the game"

New York - April 22, 2013 - In WE tv's Pregnant & Dating, premiering Saturday, June 1 at 9 pm ET/PT, five fiercely independent women go on the hunt for a partner who isn't scared off by the idea of an "instant family." Kiesha, Shana, Melissa, Megan and Rachel all have one special thing in common: each of them is expecting a baby and realize the search for true love won't wait nine months.
Traditionally, love is followed by marriage and then along comes motherhood, but in this fresh new original series, viewers join these fearless five as they experience the modern day dating game with a baby on board. During each hour-long installment, the spotlight will be on all the drama, conflict and inherent comedy that ensues when these very spirited and single moms-to-be embark on their quest to find Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Now. Some have the support of friends and family - others haven't even shared their happy news. But whether their pregnancy was planned or unplanned, these take-charge mothers-to-be laugh at convention and aren't going to miss a beat on their quest to have it all.
This season on Pregnant & Dating, viewers will be introduced to Kiesha, a successful R&B producer from Los Angeles, CA, whose baby daddy is "just a friend" and has no idea she's pregnant - and she's keeping her secret, for now; model and three-time Miss Hawaiian Tropic winner, Shana, a NC native, is pregnant at the same time as her married BFFs-together, the trio is on the hunt to find her a "good" man; Melissa, a Los Angeles based celebrity stylist who's worked with ultra-glamorous clients like Shakira and Britney Spears, is truly excited about her latest accessory: a baby bump. However Melissa, who always wanted a child and even tried artificial insemination, is coping with the fact that her ex-boyfriend has chosen to jet around the world with another woman instead of being there for the birth; Nail technician, Megan, of Orange County, CA, who found herself "with child" after too much tequila - the father wants to be involved, but her preference is to go at it alone; and Los Angeles television producer, Rachel who is pregnant with twins by her much younger ex-boyfriend.
Refusing to accept stereotypes, these women thoughtfully manage a combination of active hormones, overbearing families, inattentive fathers-to-be and a slew of dates both rocky and redeeming, as they put together their most modern of families.
Learn more on
Hunting for Mr Right: Pregnant & Dating, which is set to air on WE tv on June 1, focuses on five single moms-to-be who are on the lookout for love (pictured from left Kiesha, Rachel, Shana)

Monday, June 10, 2013

Searching For a New Partner - Just Where Do You Go?

So, you've recently separated or divorced your partner, and while its great to have the kids with you, you are starting to feel like you need some more adult company and conversation.

But where exactly are you going to find this new person? In a bar? In a supermarket? A blind date?

And how will they react to you being a single parent, with kids in tow?

Now you may stumble upon your dream partner who understands about having kids, lives near you and is drop dead gorgeous! But the chances are pretty slim, don't you think?

So why not try online dating? It's probably not what you may think its like! Millions of people all over the world use online dating to find a new partner, and the numbers just keep growing!

Here are the stats!

Percent of marriages in the last year in which the couple met on a dating site17 %
Percent of current committed relationships that began online20 %

And with online dating you can see hundreds of potential new partners, and filter through them, to find a number that you might like. Message them and see how they respond - then you can chat to them online to see if there is a spark there! And once you get to meet them, you should be in a position where you know a bit about each other and find them attractive! And you'll be much more likely to get on, don't you think?

So forget about what some people may say about internet dating - it's here to stay and is fast becoming the way to find your true love!

Try Dating For Single Parents NOW by clicking HERE!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Three Important Internet Dating Tips

1) Follow important online dating safety tips.

From the time you sign up for a service through the time you meet on a date, it's important to be safe. Read Online Dating Magazine's Online Dating Safety Tips article for specific things you should and shouldn't do. In a nutshell: never give out too much personal information; never give a home phone number; always meet in a public place for the first date; ask for a recent photo (or how old posted photos are); and trust your gut instinct. Read the article for more safety tips and full descriptions.

2) Build a winning profile.

Your profile is one of the two key elements that will determine if a person emails you on an online dating service (the other is photo - see next tip). Thus it's important to make sure that your profile is lively, fun, and positive. Avoid negatives (I'm lonely, I can't believe I'm doing this) at all costs. Examine other profiles and determine what about it makes you more interested or less interested. Read Online Dating Magazine's Profile Tips article for more advice. If a person finds your profile interesting and not generic then you have increased your chances of someone showing interest in you. Make yours interesting!

3) Post great recent photos.

Face it - when doing a search on an online dating service the first thing that grabs your attention is the photo. This is the single most important element to getting people to view that great profile you've written (see last tip). These days, generic photos won't cut it. You need to determine what colors look best on you, dress nice, be clean cut, and have someone take various photos of you that are fun and lively. When I changed my photo from a posed shot to a shot of me with an Orangutan, the number of people emailing me or showing an interest quadrupled. It also provided a great ice breaker and talking point when someone emailed me. Read Online Dating Magazine's Creating a Better Online Dating Photo article for some excellent tips.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Five Great Romantic Dates For Single Parents!

Now that summer appears to popping it's head around the corner, it's time to start thinking about the great outdoors!

When thinking about a date, you don't have to over complicate it - as with many things, the simple ideas are often the best. So here's a couple of ideas for that first or second date.

1. Pack a picnic - a great second date, where you can relax, chill and enjoy the sunny weather!

2. A walk in the country - nice and simple.

3 Or a walk on the beach, if that's nearby! Nothing beats the sound of the sea.

4 Enjoy a drink at a country pub - outside of course!

5 Cook a BBQ? Conversation, food and drink - it's a great winning combination! And keeps you busy if you're a little nervous.

So don't just think about it, go and do it - dating is fun, share your life!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Does Your Online Dating Profile Need a Digital Facelift This Spring?

It’s springtime and love is in the air, as well as on your computers and mobile phones.
On March 20th, along with the arrival of the spring equinox, several singles I’ve been working with in my Online Dating BootCamp changed their relationship status to “In a Relationship” and retired their online dating profiles since the first day of spring.
What’s their secret in just one week? Preparation and careful planning for the change of seasons, because there’s no better place to look than on your existing online dating site.
Each couple I worked with took the steps to create a personality that would shine along with a fresh start.

Get a digital facelift.

Singles already online need a digital facelift of their profiles at least once every season.
Just like you change your wardrobe and rearrange the clothes in your closet to wear lighter and brighter clothing for the new season, your dating profile should reflect a brighter and refreshed version of you.
To do this, I recommend the following:

1. Take new photos. 

Wear outfits with pinks, reds and colors that will pop. Ditch the little black dress, as it’s too common and will get lost on the computer screen.
You don’t have to go to an expensive photographer, but grab some of your friends and a digital camera and start shooting away.
Take 100 photos in five different outfits. Let your friends help you select the best five.

2. Change your screen name.

Drop the winter blues and find a catchy screen name for your new profile.
Love art? Terrific. Use the name “ArtLover” and possibly your first name or the state you reside in, such as “ArtLoverJill” or “ArtLoverNY.”
Ski season over? Change your headline from “Loves to Ski” to another activity, such as “Looking for hiking partner.”

“All singles looking for love online could use a 
digital facelift to attract their dream date.”

3. List upcoming events.

Your dating profile doesn’t have to be stagnant like a magazine ad. Make it more active like your Facebook profile.
If you’ve snagged great concert tickets and are looking for a date, say so in your profile.
Who knows? Your dream date might just share the same passion for music you do.

4. Head over to Facebook.

Online dating has really become social dating. Make sure your Facebook page lists your status as “Single.”
You can do this in your “About” section. Let the world know you’re ready to start dating.
See an old friend? Strike up a private chat on Facebook.
Looking for someone to go to the latest museum exhibit? Post it on your page.
Who knows? A secret admirer might just “like” that page and suggest going together.

5. Cast a wider net.

Don’t limit your search to 10 miles within your home town, unless you have your heart set on being with the boy next door.
If you’d be willing to drive an hour to see a date, then change your range to 60 miles from where you live.
Expand your age range to a few years older and a few years younger to be open to the possibilities.
Going on a business trip or vacation? Write to someone in the city you’ll be visiting. When they hear you’ll be in town for a limited time, they won’t want to miss out on the opportunity to meet you.
At the end of the day, all singles looking for love online could use a little digital facelift to attract their dream date.
How often do you change your online dating profile?
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

All You Need Is (Self!) Love!

Self-Love is not the same thing as vanity. But, we often get it twisted! Vanity and narcissism are actually the opposite of self-love, as they are based in fear and lack. It is when the ego mind wants to make you feel special or better than others and thus creates illusions to support the idea. It's when motivation comes from hopes of gaining attention or acceptance rather than coming from the heart and done with pure intentions. Confident people who love themselves unconditionally do not think they are better than anybody else. Contrarily, they tend to see the beauty and oneness in all. Having true love and acceptance of self allows you to love and accept others more deeply, as well as receive love more fully.
If you want to give yourself all the love you deserve, here are some tips to put into practice:
  • Believe this: You are meant to shine! Many walk through life blending in, afraid to tap into their full potential, and living watered-down versions of who they are meant to be. It is true that our biggest fear is not being inadequate but rather of being powerful beyond measure. We all have our own unique gifts to offer the world -- let 'em out!
  • Practice mindfulness to develop true sense of self. Practicing being still and in-the-moment helps us to become more aware of our inner voice, what we stand for, and who we really are deep inside. Many identify with material things like titles, awards, degrees, and the actual physical body as definition of self, but the essence of who we really are actually is what we find in our heart and at our soul level. Get to know the real you and you'll be thinking, "What's not to love?!"
  • Learn the difference between self-love and being full of oneself. Don't let limiting beliefs you've picked up over the years or the insecurities of others trip you up and make you believe you are sporting an inflated ego just because you have inner confidence and self-acceptance. Here's your reality check: If your intentions are pure and come from a place of love, you're in the self-love zone -- keep going! On the other hand, if your motivation is to try to feel special or better than someone else, than your ego is in the driver's seat -- turn around and go back toward love!
  • Practice good self-care. This can take place in many forms: Eat clean, exercise regularly, treat yourself to massages, and carve out time to partake in soul-nurturing activities. Just like when you're dating someone -- they have to show you love, right? Likewise, by taking good care of yourself, you are showing yourself that you do care and that you are worthy of love. You will, in turn, reflect the same message to others and attract the right people in your life who are going to love you back.
  • Forgive yourself and others. Resentment is sure to suck the love right out of your heart. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools in your spiritual toolbox, so practice the "f" word often. This means cutting yourself some slack as well as letting others off the hook. In both cases, you are just hurting yourself more. Forgive and move on.
  • Honor and protect yourself. Eliminate toxic relationships and activities that lower your vibration. Positive and supportive energy helps love to flourish.
  • Live your truth and don't mind the critics. Depending where others are at in their own journey, they might not be comfortable with or supportive of your self-love and confidence. This is because they are lacking self-love and confidence! Somebody will always have an opinion to share. But, when it comes to matters of following your heart, yours is the one that matters most. Never let anybody else dull your sparkle!
  • The mirror trick: Say, "I love you." Okay, this one is totally weird at first and it will probably trip you out to look at yourself and say these three words! But, it drives home the point of how hung up and uncomfortable we can get about loving ourselves. Try it a few more times. You should be able to look into your own eyes, say "I love you," and mean it!

Having self-love makes you more resilient and able to bounce back from a stumble. It really is the cornerstone to allowing your dreams to come alive, to attracting healthy relationships, and to living a full life. As the Buddha said, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." And you do. Until next time... wishing you much love of self!

Once you can love yourself, share that love with someone else!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Is Online Dating Killing Romance?

I just ran into my buddy Andy at a restaurant-—the kind of hip place you’d take a first date to impress her. Knowing he’d gone through a difficult divorce—one he didn’t really want—I was pleased when he immediately introduced me to his new girlfriend, Carol. In my zeal to find out as much about Andy’s good fortune as possible I innocently asked: “So, how’d you two meet?” No big deal right? Wrong. Andy and Carol turned to one another and began mumbling something indecipherable for what seemed to be an eternity. Realizing I stepped into something awkward I thought to myself: OMG they met in prison; or on a street corner. After a few seconds passed and all of our skin tones returned to a normal light pinkish color Carol responded: “Well, uh, we met online…that’s right…online…yeah…on the computer.” Okay, so it was a pretty good impression of Annie Hall, but why all the fuss? Isn’t online dating the rave? Why are people embarrassed to admit they use this remarkable invention?
Most people I’ve interviewed prefer online dating to the bar scene because it offers a better chance of getting a first date. Post a reasonably attractive picture, sell your life’s resume, and wait for the solicitations to pour in. A few e-mails and a telephone call or two will allow your personality to work for you—a real plus. In the bar scene it’s all about your looks; you don’t have the luxury of putting your best picture out there because—you’re out there—in the flesh. And if you don’t physically appeal to your target objective, forget about it; it won’t matter if you’ve got Anderson Cooper’s personality.Many claim that online dating also reduces the odds of being humiliated. Makes sense; it’s easier to endure rejection from afar rather than have someone laugh directly in your face. FYI: my female clients claim that it‘s a must for a woman to have a terrific picture to get online attention but it’s not as important for a man to have one. This makes sense in part, because men tend to be more visual. But I do have a friend who refuses to post a picture for professional reasons and he rarely gets any responses. In fact, one woman admonished him for not posting a picture: “If I have to put one up there you should to,” she said. Online dating is also convenient, or I should say as convenient as you’d like it to be. A female friend of mine would only date men who lived a minimum of one hour away—she liked the anonymity. Call me a wimp, but I get exhausted just visualizing a two-hour drive home in the wee hours of the morning following a date. Nevertheless, most people tend to date someone within a few miles of their home. One woman told me that she loves dating a guy who lives close by because she can see him almost any time she wants without a “big production.”Another convenience of online dating is that you don’t have to leave your house to get a date; kinda like Netflix® don’t ya think? No need to drop a pound or two and drag yourself to a Happy Hour or a meet-up group. Nope; just a couple of taps on your keyboard and presto: Janine appears on your screen to tell you that she loves to laugh, isn’t needy, loves her children more than life itself, and can find time to fit you into her mind-boggling schedule.
Online dating is also faster than waiting for your best friend to fix you up with her cousin, or someone from her yoga class. Heck, you don’t even have to grieve a death or divorce; just jump right back in the mix and sort them out as you go along; sounds like take-out doesn’t it?
And therein lies the problem from my perspective. Like anything else in life online dating has its pros and cons, but it’s too damn fast, and when something comes too fast and comparably easy, we don’t trust it—it can’t be a good thing—it can’t be authentic. Relationships should be less predictable and worth waiting for. We have too much control over a romantic process and in turn, we’re killing the romance.
There was a time when you had to send couriers from your castle to your mate’s castle and wait a month or so for a response. In the not too distant past there was a time when you had to mail a letter and wait two or three days to hear something; there was a time when you had to get off your ass and drive somewhere. Now you can order your partner over a machine.
I know online dating is necessary in our crazy fast-paced world; I, too, think it beats the bar scene; and I know your friend the tax attorney may not be able to fix you up until tax season is over; just saying: I knew there was something disturbing about the Jetsons.

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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

You Still Get to Have Sex After Divorce!

I broke down in tears within two weeks of my split, but not because I was getting divorced. No, it was sex, or more specifically, the prospect of having sex with a new person (people!) that send me over the edge. I was having drinks with two friends, both of whom had been divorced for several years, and we stumbled upon the subject of dating. I remember my friend saying, "Don't worry, you'll even start having sex again before you know it."
Right there, in the middle of happy hour, I lost it. Seriously, I was a mom. I was a former breast-feeder, and those breasts were in a race for my knees! I had stretch marks, for God's sake, and there was no way I was going to allow anyone to see all of that. On top of it, I was over 30 and we all know that once you're over 30, that's it.
Well, no, that wasn't it. While my physical body was no longer in an unmarred, pre-baby state, I still looked pretty good. I just had all of those disempowering thoughts running around in my head, and it was up to me to change them. I had to get clear that it isn't just a physical body that a man is attracted to; I had other qualities that would be interesting to men.
If you're like most of the women I know, we don't think of sex as just an act -- it's something we do that means something. Sometimes it literally means everything. We engage in it with someone we love, someone we're committed to. After a divorce, it's not that we don't have needs, it's just that those needs take a back-seat to going through the emotions that come with divorce.
In order to open up to sex, love and dating after divorce, the first step is to heal. Healing, unfortunately, can be a pretty hard and daunting process because it means you must be willing to take a hard look at yourself and identify patterns, personality challenges, and opportunities for growth. Once you've gone through that process -- and it takes much longer than it took for me to just type that sentence -- you will eventually find someone you will want to be intimate with (I promise).
You'll also want to get your needs met, just perhaps in a different way than before. I'm a pretty touchy-feely person, so my coach suggested I get my inherent need for touch in another way -- I found that was a great excuse to get a weekly massage. You'll want to identify those needs and then find creative ways to get them met, without compromising your values.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Top 10 Ways I Was a Perfect Mom Until I Had Kids

Before I had kids, I possessed many ideas about what kind of parent I would be. Below are ten of those assumptions -- and the reality that followed, post-kids.
1. I will not bribe my kids. They will behave because they have such great internal moral compasses, and complying will be what they want to do.
Reality: I will let you eat Hershey's Kisses for breakfast if you stay in your bed tonight. I will take you anywhere you want to go if you will just stay in your bed tonight.
2. I will maintain appropriate boundaries in the bathroom.
Reality: Most days, I use the bathroom with three little faces watching my every move. The upside? There is always someone nearby to run and get a new roll of toilet paper when I'm stranded.
3. My kids will leave the house with their hair combed neatly and wearing clothes that match.
Reality: We hit a low last summer when Annie Rose insisted on wearing one snow boot and one flip-flop to Target, happily limping her way through the aisles. An astonishing number of old ladies asked if I was aware that her shoes didn't match. "Yes, thank you for your concern," I replied.
4. I will control my potty mouth in front of the kids.
Reality: Oh shit, the fire alarm is going off again! Damnit, the dinner is burning. Shit! Shit! Shit! My girls reply, "At least it's better than Christmas Eve, when Daddy caught on fire." (True story.)
5. I will spend time taking care of myself even after I have kids.
Reality: I take a shower every three or four days, if I'm lucky. A brown Crayola marker is a lot faster and cheaper than getting my roots colored (but try to explain to a 4-year-old why Mommy is allowed to scribble with markers in her hair). And my health club might as well apply for 501c3 status, since I give them a monthly donation.
6. I will model healthy conflict resolution skills, and I will be gracious when I am right.
Reality: I have been known to chant "I was right! You were wrong!" to my husband as I sing and march around the kitchen, doing a victory dance.
7. I will share, and thus my kids will be good sharers, too.
Reality: Get out of my makeup, girls! It's mine! Get out of my toiletries!
8. My kids will only eat wholesome, balanced meals with one reasonable dessert after dinner.
Reality: Fine, you may have a bowl of ice cream for "breakfast dessert." It's got calcium, right? And all the good milk fat that your growing brain needs! Here, have a second helping.
9. We will be on time for school, appointments, classes and playdates.
Reality: How is it that everyone is up three hours before school starts and we are the last ones to arrive?
10. My kids will see me as an empowered woman and a role model of how women can achieve success outside of the house.
Reality: If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, my tombstone would say, "Here lies Carrie. Now who will do the laundry?"
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