Top 5 Ways to Get Back Into Dating After a Breakup

Going through a breakup sucks. A lot. And yes, the first thing you probably want to do is curl up into a ball, watch reruns of Friends, and have Seamless send you dinners while Taskrabbit picks up new boxes of Kleenex... But after the mandatory mourning comes to a close, the only way to truly move on is to meet new people (gasp!).

Some go into a shy, hesitation-filled shock. After all, you haven't dated in months, years(maybe even a decade!! double gasp!!). Others think they "still got it" and boldly hit on anything that moves only to strike out.

It's a pretty dismal scene... so Alex (founder of Sparkology, the invite-only dating site for young professionals) and Bella (founder of NeverLikedItAnyway, the place to sell once-loved gifts from once-loved lovers) have assembled the five ways to go back from break-up to romance:

Rule 1: Find New Scenery (Alex)

Generally speaking, relationships are synonymous with routine. This is your time to bust out. Go to new places, museums, bookstores, coffee shops while also reconnecting with single friends (who probably haven't seen you in months).

Rule 2: Don't Date Someone Who Resembles Your Ex (Bella)

You may have a type... but trying to fill the void with a replica of your past lover will only remind you of old times. You'll do your head in constantly comparing the new guy to the old and most importantly, you won't give the new guy a the chance he deserves. Not sure where to find your new man? Try Sparkology.

Rule 3: Invest in Yourself (Alex)

For better or worse, people in relationships often let themselves slack. From gaining a few pounds to neglecting your dance lessons to letting the wardrobe fade, you've probably neglected some part of your personal development simply because a large part of your focus (and resources!) were spent on the relationship. Now is your time to reinvest in yourself. Take a pizza making class, attend a wine tasting, or go on a weekend yoga retreat... these fun activities both lift your spirits and make you more interesting when meeting new people.

Rule 4: Get Excited About the Date, Not The Guy (Bella)

This sounds a trifle mean, but if you can't seem to get excited about the new fish you've plucked from the sea, get excited about the places you'll go! Most likely, a lot has changed since you last dated. All sorts of things have opened up - theatres, restaurants,bars and even bike lanes. Try seeing your date as a ticket to discovery. In the immortal words of Dr Seuss, 'oh the places you'll go... you'll be on your way up"!

Rule 5: Ex-orcise Your Home (Bella)

Cleaning out is cathartic, even when you havent had a breakup! Removing any ex-iconography from your home is the first step to moving on. I know you want to keep little mementoes, but these will subconsciously hold you back. Get a friend round to come over and help you sort through the photos, sweatshirts, artwork, toothbrushes (ew), jewelry and any other ex-collateral in sight. Either throw it out or, even better, sell it on NeverLikedItAnyway. Also, try rearranging your furniture, move your bed, rotate your couch... do anything to change your scenery!

Follow Alex Furmansky on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thefurm

Or Dating For Single Parents USA: www.twitter.com/parentsdatingus

You Still Get to Have Sex After Divorce!

I broke down in tears within two weeks of my split, but not because I was getting divorced. No, it was sex, or more specifically, the prospect of having sex with a new person (people!) that send me over the edge. I was having drinks with two friends, both of whom had been divorced for several years, and we stumbled upon the subject of dating. I remember my friend saying, "Don't worry, you'll even start having sex again before you know it."

Right there, in the middle of happy hour, I lost it. Seriously, I was a mom. I was a former breast-feeder, and those breasts were in a race for my knees! I had stretch marks, for God's sake, and there was no way I was going to allow anyone to see all of that. On top of it, I was over 30 and we all know that once you're over 30, that's it.

Well, no, that wasn't it. While my physical body was no longer in an unmarred, pre-baby state, I still looked pretty good. I just had all of those disempowering thoughts running around in my head, and it was up to me to change them. I had to get clear that it isn't just a physical body that a man is attracted to; I had other qualities that would be interesting to men.

If you're like most of the women I know, we don't think of sex as just an act -- it's something we do that means something. Sometimes it literally means everything. We engage in it with someone we love, someone we're committed to. After a divorce, it's not that we don't have needs, it's just that those needs take a back-seat to going through the emotions that come with divorce.

In order to open up to sex, love and dating after divorce, the first step is to heal. Healing, unfortunately, can be a pretty hard and daunting process because it means you must be willing to take a hard look at yourself and identify patterns, personality challenges, and opportunities for growth. Once you've gone through that process -- and it takes much longer than it took for me to just type that sentence -- you will eventually find someone you will want to be intimate with (I promise).

You'll also want to get your needs met, just perhaps in a different way than before. I'm a pretty touchy-feely person, so my coach suggested I get my inherent need for touch in another way -- I found that was a great excuse to get a weekly massage. You'll want to identify those needs and then find creative ways to get them met, without compromising your values.

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