Your Choice!

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. 

Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.

Wayne Dyer 

Dinner Date. How Do You See It?

Interesting to see it from both sides!

http://www.datingforsingleparentsusa.com

Top 5 Ways to Get Back Into Dating After a Breakup

Going through a breakup sucks. A lot. And yes, the first thing you probably want to do is curl up into a ball, watch reruns of Friends, and have Seamless send you dinners while Taskrabbit picks up new boxes of Kleenex... But after the mandatory mourning comes to a close, the only way to truly move on is to meet new people (gasp!).

Some go into a shy, hesitation-filled shock. After all, you haven't dated in months, years(maybe even a decade!! double gasp!!). Others think they "still got it" and boldly hit on anything that moves only to strike out.

It's a pretty dismal scene... so Alex (founder of Sparkology, the invite-only dating site for young professionals) and Bella (founder of NeverLikedItAnyway, the place to sell once-loved gifts from once-loved lovers) have assembled the five ways to go back from break-up to romance:

Rule 1: Find New Scenery (Alex)

Generally speaking, relationships are synonymous with routine. This is your time to bust out. Go to new places, museums, bookstores, coffee shops while also reconnecting with single friends (who probably haven't seen you in months).

Rule 2: Don't Date Someone Who Resembles Your Ex (Bella)

You may have a type... but trying to fill the void with a replica of your past lover will only remind you of old times. You'll do your head in constantly comparing the new guy to the old and most importantly, you won't give the new guy a the chance he deserves. Not sure where to find your new man? Try Sparkology.

Rule 3: Invest in Yourself (Alex)

For better or worse, people in relationships often let themselves slack. From gaining a few pounds to neglecting your dance lessons to letting the wardrobe fade, you've probably neglected some part of your personal development simply because a large part of your focus (and resources!) were spent on the relationship. Now is your time to reinvest in yourself. Take a pizza making class, attend a wine tasting, or go on a weekend yoga retreat... these fun activities both lift your spirits and make you more interesting when meeting new people.

Rule 4: Get Excited About the Date, Not The Guy (Bella)

This sounds a trifle mean, but if you can't seem to get excited about the new fish you've plucked from the sea, get excited about the places you'll go! Most likely, a lot has changed since you last dated. All sorts of things have opened up - theatres, restaurants,bars and even bike lanes. Try seeing your date as a ticket to discovery. In the immortal words of Dr Seuss, 'oh the places you'll go... you'll be on your way up"!

Rule 5: Ex-orcise Your Home (Bella)

Cleaning out is cathartic, even when you havent had a breakup! Removing any ex-iconography from your home is the first step to moving on. I know you want to keep little mementoes, but these will subconsciously hold you back. Get a friend round to come over and help you sort through the photos, sweatshirts, artwork, toothbrushes (ew), jewelry and any other ex-collateral in sight. Either throw it out or, even better, sell it on NeverLikedItAnyway. Also, try rearranging your furniture, move your bed, rotate your couch... do anything to change your scenery!

Follow Alex Furmansky on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thefurm

Or Dating For Single Parents USA: www.twitter.com/parentsdatingus

5 Reasons The Ex Is Your Ideal Dating Coach

A couple years after my divorce, I was leaving a restaurant and ran into an old friend who had also found himself single following years of marriage. After a few minutes of awkward chatter, he suggested we have lunch the following week. My excitement was tempered by his suggesting lunch rather than dinner. Hmmm, date or friends?

The following day, in desperate need of a male point-of-view, I turned to a most unlikely dating coach: my ex-husband. It was the first time I sought his advice on such dicey matters. We obviously knew the other was dating but rarely discussed our post-divorce love lives. "Just send an email back saying you can have lunch or dinner next Tuesday," he advised me matter-of-factly, before confidently adding, "If he chooses dinner, you'll know instantly what his intentions are."

After following directions, I found myself at dinner a week later, the start of a relationship that continued for several months.

Just to be clear, my ex and I didn't divorce and start giving one another dating advice the very next day; it took a long time for everything to cool off.

I know confiding in ones ex sounds insane since many former couples can't even stand to be in the same room. But if you remain on good terms, your former partner could probably match you up better than anyone else. After all, few people are more familiar with your personal foibles, desires and needs -- the good, the bad and the ugly -- than the person who's shared your life for many years.

My ex knows my propensity for always running a bit late, for being attracted to a strange, hybrid guy who is half metro-sexual/half macho, is aware of my neurotic spiral over the slightest cold and is quite clued in to the dirty fact that when I enter a perfectly clean room there are shoes, papers and makeup scattered all over the floor by the time I leave.

He's been helpful in separating the wheat from the chaff, guiding me away from those suitors who are either too metro or macho; too neurotic for my neuroses; or the sort of neat freaks who are never much fun.

Although a bit odd, there are a number of reasons the ex can be an ideal dating coach. So hear me out - and think about possibilities- even if they seem improbable now.

1. You have history: The past you share with your ex gives him or her valuable insights on the character traits that will truly make you happy.

2. Do it for the kids: They want their children to be happy and around someone who is a good role model.

3. They know your type: You're probably a great judge of the type of person your ex is attracted to. Maybe you watched, with much irritation, as he or she ogled certain types when you were out, or heard them say that a particular actor or actress was hot. Your ex knows if you prefer brains over brawn and what kind of person most floats your boat after the initial ardor wears off.

4. The best Wingman: When I ended up having the rare dinner with my former husband and the man I was dating, my ex became the best wingman ever! At one point he started talking me up in such a flattering light that it took me a few minutes to realize whom he was talking about. (For a minute, I thought there was still a potential alimony award on the table and that he was trying to marry me off.)

5. Blowing off steam: They also know what annoys you (and what's annoying about you!). Maybe they can even help disrupt some relationship patterns they've seen before.

Just to clarify: my ex isn't my therapist and is quite busy with his own life. I wouldn't expect that from him, nor would he have the slightest amount of patience to sit and listen.

Now happily married, he no longer needs my dating advice. But when he became serious with the woman he eventually married, we planned out the best way to introduce her to our son. When they had their first child we discussed how to tell our son in an effort to avoid the initial sibling rivalry.

Although we are no longer married, I still want what's best for him. And I know he wants what's best for me. That's when divorce works out best: when you lose a partner there's no reason you have to lose a friend.

Thanks to the Huff Post for this!

Now go find your date on http://www.datingforsingleparentsusa.com

Three Really Important Tips When Starting Online Dating

1) Follow important online dating safety tips.

From the time you sign up for a service through the time you meet on a date, it's important to be safe. Read Online Dating Magazine's Online Dating Safety Tips article for specific things you should and shouldn't do. In a nutshell: never give out too much personal information; never give a home phone number; always meet in a public place for the first date; ask for a recent photo (or how old posted photos are); and trust your gut instinct. Read the article for more safety tips and full descriptions.

2) Build a winning profile.

Your profile is one of the two key elements that will determine if a person emails you on an online dating service (the other is photo - see next tip). Thus it's important to make sure that your profile is lively, fun, and positive. Avoid negatives (I'm lonely, I can't believe I'm doing this) at all costs. Examine other profiles and determine what about it makes you more interested or less interested. Read Online Dating Magazine's Profile Tips article for more advice. If a person finds your profile interesting and not generic then you have increased your chances of someone showing interest in you. Make yours interesting!

3) Post great recent photos.

Face it - when doing a search on an online dating service the first thing that grabs your attention is the photo. This is the single most important element to getting people to view that great profile you've written (see last tip). These days, generic photos won't cut it. You need to determine what colours look best on you, dress nice, be clean cut, and have someone take various photos of you that are fun and lively. When I changed my photo from a posed shot to a shot of me with an Orangutan, the number of people emailing me or showing an interest quadrupled. It also provided a great ice breaker and talking point when someone emailed me. Read Online Dating Magazine's Creating a Better Online Dating Photo article for some excellent tips.

Now go and get dating! http://www.datingforsingleparentsusa.com

10 Minutes and 10 Questions with a Dating Coach

Online Dating? Well worth 10 minutes of your day!

Now find your perfect date HERE!

All You Need Is (Self!) Love!

Self-Love is not the same thing as vanity. But, we often get it twisted! Vanity and narcissism are actually the opposite of self-love, as they are based in fear and lack. It is when the ego mind wants to make you feel special or better than others and thus creates illusions to support the idea. It's when motivation comes from hopes of gaining attention or acceptance rather than coming from the heart and done with pure intentions. Confident people who love themselves unconditionally do not think they are better than anybody else. Contrarily, they tend to see the beauty and oneness in all. Having true love and acceptance of self allows you to love and accept others more deeply, as well as receive love more fully.

If you want to give yourself all the love you deserve, here are some tips to put into practice:

• Believe this: You are meant to shine! Many walk through life blending in, afraid to tap into their full potential, and living watered-down versions of who they are meant to be. It is true that our biggest fear is not being inadequate but rather of being powerful beyond measure. We all have our own unique gifts to offer the world -- let 'em out!
• Practice mindfulness to develop true sense of self. Practicing being still and in-the-moment helps us to become more aware of our inner voice, what we stand for, and who we really are deep inside. Many identify with material things like titles, awards, degrees, and the actual physical body as definition of self, but the essence of who we really are actually is what we find in our heart and at our soul level. Get to know the real you and you'll be thinking, "What's not to love?!"
• Learn the difference between self-love and being full of oneself. Don't let limiting beliefs you've picked up over the years or the insecurities of others trip you up and make you believe you are sporting an inflated ego just because you have inner confidence and self-acceptance. Here's your reality check: If your intentions are pure and come from a place of love, you're in the self-love zone -- keep going! On the other hand, if your motivation is to try to feel special or better than someone else, than your ego is in the driver's seat -- turn around and go back toward love!
• Practice good self-care. This can take place in many forms: Eat clean, exercise regularly, treat yourself to massages, and carve out time to partake in soul-nurturing activities. Just like when you're dating someone -- they have to show you love, right? Likewise, by taking good care of yourself, you are showing yourself that you do care and that you are worthy of love. You will, in turn, reflect the same message to others and attract the right people in your life who are going to love you back.
• Forgive yourself and others. Resentment is sure to suck the love right out of your heart. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools in your spiritual toolbox, so practice the "f" word often. This means cutting yourself some slack as well as letting others off the hook. In both cases, you are just hurting yourself more. Forgive and move on.
• Honor and protect yourself. Eliminate toxic relationships and activities that lower your vibration. Positive and supportive energy helps love to flourish.
• Live your truth and don't mind the critics. Depending where others are at in their own journey, they might not be comfortable with or supportive of your self-love and confidence. This is because they are lacking self-love and confidence! Somebody will always have an opinion to share. But, when it comes to matters of following your heart, yours is the one that matters most. Never let anybody else dull your sparkle!
• The mirror trick: Say, "I love you." Okay, this one is totally weird at first and it will probably trip you out to look at yourself and say these three words! But, it drives home the point of how hung up and uncomfortable we can get about loving ourselves. Try it a few more times. You should be able to look into your own eyes, say "I love you," and mean it!

Having self-love makes you more resilient and able to bounce back from a stumble. It really is the cornerstone to allowing your dreams to come alive, to attracting healthy relationships, and to living a full life. As the Buddha said, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." And you do. Until next time... wishing you much love of self!

Once you can love yourself, share that love with someone else! http://www.datingforsingleparentsusa.com

Is Online Dating Killing Romance?

I just ran into my buddy Andy at a restaurant-—the kind of hip place you’d take a first date to impress her. Knowing he’d gone through a difficult divorce—one he didn’t really want—I was pleased when he immediately introduced me to his new girlfriend, Carol. In my zeal to find out as much about Andy’s good fortune as possible I innocently asked: “So, how’d you two meet?” No big deal right? Wrong. Andy and Carol turned to one another and began mumbling something indecipherable for what seemed to be an eternity. Realizing I stepped into something awkward I thought to myself: OMG they met in prison; or on a street corner. After a few seconds passed and all of our skin tones returned to a normal light pinkish color Carol responded: “Well, uh, we met online…that’s right…online…yeah…on the computer.” Okay, so it was a pretty good impression of Annie Hall, but why all the fuss? Isn’t online dating the rave? Why are people embarrassed to admit they use this remarkable invention?

Most people I’ve interviewed prefer online dating to the bar scene because it offers a better chance of getting a first date. Post a reasonably attractive picture, sell your life’s resume, and wait for the solicitations to pour in. A few e-mails and a telephone call or two will allow your personality to work for you—a real plus. In the bar scene it’s all about your looks; you don’t have the luxury of putting your best picture out there because—you’re out there—in the flesh. And if you don’t physically appeal to your target objective, forget about it; it won’t matter if you’ve got Anderson Cooper’s personality.Many claim that online dating also reduces the odds of being humiliated. Makes sense; it’s easier to endure rejection from afar rather than have someone laugh directly in your face. FYI: my female clients claim that it‘s a must for a woman to have a terrific picture to get online attention but it’s not as important for a man to have one. This makes sense in part, because men tend to be more visual. But I do have a friend who refuses to post a picture for professional reasons and he rarely gets any responses. In fact, one woman admonished him for not posting a picture: “If I have to put one up there you should to,” she said. Online dating is also convenient, or I should say as convenient as you’d like it to be. A female friend of mine would only date men who lived a minimum of one hour away—she liked the anonymity. Call me a wimp, but I get exhausted just visualizing a two-hour drive home in the wee hours of the morning following a date. Nevertheless, most people tend to date someone within a few miles of their home. One woman told me that she loves dating a guy who lives close by because she can see him almost any time she wants without a “big production.”Another convenience of online dating is that you don’t have to leave your house to get a date; kinda like Netflix® don’t ya think? No need to drop a pound or two and drag yourself to a Happy Hour or a meet-up group. Nope; just a couple of taps on your keyboard and presto: Janine appears on your screen to tell you that she loves to laugh, isn’t needy, loves her children more than life itself, and can find time to fit you into her mind-boggling schedule.

Online dating is also faster than waiting for your best friend to fix you up with her cousin, or someone from her yoga class. Heck, you don’t even have to grieve a death or divorce; just jump right back in the mix and sort them out as you go along; sounds like take-out doesn’t it?

And therein lies the problem from my perspective. Like anything else in life online dating has its pros and cons, but it’s too damn fast, and when something comes too fast and comparably easy, we don’t trust it—it can’t be a good thing—it can’t be authentic. Relationships should be less predictable and worth waiting for. We have too much control over a romantic process and in turn, we’re killing the romance.

There was a time when you had to send couriers from your castle to your mate’s castle and wait a month or so for a response. In the not too distant past there was a time when you had to mail a letter and wait two or three days to hear something; there was a time when you had to get off your ass and drive somewhere. Now you can order your partner over a machine.

I know online dating is necessary in our crazy fast-paced world; I, too, think it beats the bar scene; and I know your friend the tax attorney may not be able to fix you up until tax season is over; just saying: I knew there was something disturbing about the Jetsons.

Article from
http://howdoidate.com

Top 10 Online Dating Tips

Just having a browse this morning and came across this interesting blog. Says all the things I would want to say about online dating!

Click here for Kate's Top 10 Online Dating Tips

http://www.datingforsingleparentsusa.com

Sex On A First Date?

Would you have sex on a first date?

Interesting article explains why you shouldn't!

Click HERE to read "Sex On A First Date?"

http://www.datingforsingleparentsusa.com

Are You Really Ready To Start Dating Again?

Ready? Try http://www.datingforsingleparentsusa.com